Your Oakland friends are constantly trying to convert you, and your midwestern parents think you’re a little bit crazy, but you wouldn’t trade your urban family life for the world—or at least for the suburbs. From only-in-SF tan lines to starter coffees for kids, we bring you 30 sure-fire signs that you’re a San Francisco parent.
1. Your child’s preschool application was filled out before her birth certificate.
2. You have tried (and succeeded) to put a car seat in the back of a Getaround Fiat.
3. Your kids drink $3 steamed milks from Four Barrel (or wherever your family coffee loyalty lies).
4. Your 6-month-old has already learned how to turn on the Apple Watch because someone “left” a prototype at JAMaROO.
5. “The gym” is walking up an 8.5-incline street and two flights of stairs while carrying a bag from Bi-Rite and a toddler.
6. You’ve started a GoFundMe campaign to help pay for Pre-K application fees.
7. You unpack your family’s winter clothes in June. Or never pack them up at all.
Photo by Michael Newton via Flickr
8. Yelp returns four pages of doggy daycare when you type in “SITTER.”
9. Sidewalk strolls start with a gentle reminder about the book Everyone Poops.
10. Your kids are only ever tan on the tops of their hands.
Photo by John Onate via Flickr
11. Your 2-year-old knows when pluots are in season.
12. You know every restaurant with gluten-free, vegan and paleo kids menu items.
13. You’ve spent half a day trying to figure out how to schedule your Good Eggs and Amazon Fresh deliveries together.
14. You’ve managed to fit an entire nursery inside a closet—along with your Freda Salvador collection.
15. You pick your mom friends based on the number of hills that separate you.
photo: Erin Feher
16. Instead of a flu shot, your toddler has simply licked one too many Muni seats before you could stop them.
17. Your kid’s dream pet is a pigeon.
18. Your baby has her own hashtag on Instagram.
19. Every birthday party you attend is also a fully produced photoshoot for the host mom’s blog, and guests are asked to dress in accordance with the party’s theme color palette.
20. Your social media feed is all $7 toast and playdates at the Beach Chalet.
21. You know never to take strollers on Bart because of the elevators . . . those horrifying, horrifying elevators.
22. One of the most monumental benefits to having a child in SF is not having to wait for a table at Delfina . . . because you are eating at 4:15.
23. You have brand loyalty to Nordstrom expressly because of their “Mothering Lounge.”
24. You met your best mom friend in Jane Austin’s Prenatal Yoga class.
25. Your weekends inevitably involve something called SoccerTots.
photo: Tim Pierce via Flickr
26. Your son hasn’t yet had his first haircut. He is 9.
27. You’ve sent your kid to a playdate in an Über.
28. You buy organic sunscreen sticks at a baby boutique right next door to the bar where you used to have multiple weeknight martinis. Someone you hooked up with in a past life still works there.
29. Instead of Jehovah’s Witnesses, it’s your Oakland friends who are constantly trying to convert you.
30. For weekend brunch and good schools, the response is the same: You’re on the list.
—Erin Feher, Mary Jo Bowling, Amber Guetebier, Garrick Ramirez, Charlotte Milan, Lauren Podoll, Laura Brunow Minor