The annual grade school picture. These rights of passage only have two gears: blissfully gorgeous or horribly awkward.

I am going to step out on a limb and say that about 90% of grade school pictures fall into that second category, maybe even 95% of them if you had these gems snapped in the mid-eighties. Nothing says “I have arrived” like mullets and strobe lighted backgrounds. The internet is stocked with the best of the worst when it comes to shockingly bad school pictures, but here are some of the photos that I literally could not look away from.

sp1

This guy is all fun and games that feathered hair, the Hawaiian shirt, the giant smile. He is ready to par-tay! Unfortunately he will probably be partying by himself.

sp2

 

I am sure you can probably tell without any help from me, but this young buck is a HUNK. I mean his shirt says so, therefore it must be true. As if more evidence for his awesomeness is needed he is also rocking the cinch-wasted stone washed jeans with his Metallica tee shirt. He is clearly hard core.

sp3

When I came across this one I literally gasped in awe. This kid is glorious. He is bound to become a star when he grows up, so much so that the background contains a few sparkling reminders. I bet he could roller-skate circles around me if he wanted to. I bow to you, roller skating fancy man!

 

sp4

We get it. You are a unique and artsy individual that is so deep no one can quite grasp your greatness. Smiling is obviously for chumps, but half of your head looking like it has taken a ride in an electric chair is totally acceptable.

sp5

Ahhhhh, this is a classic look of the 1980s. Our gentleman is all business in the front and party in the back. I wonder if he serenades his dates with a little Kenny G playing in the background.

sp6

Ahhhh!

 

sp7
Whoever dressed this child in a shoulder-padded floral dress that should be covering my grandmother’s arm chair should have their parental rights revoked. The girl herself I cannot bring myself to speak against.

sp8

Don’t get to close here. Too hot, too fly, jazz hands, may or may not be visually impaired. I bet he has one hell of a high kick.

 

sp9
That is some serious hair. I am digging the smattering of primary colors in the background. This is 80s-tastic.

sp10

Are there Troll dolls on this girl’s head? She is crawling with Trolls! How many Trolls are in this damn picture? Now it has become a game.

I wish I had a few of my own childhood photos to share with you all.  I had some heavy bangs to rival the best of them and I think at one point my mother cut my hair so that it was level with my mouth. Thank goodness we are now living in the era of photo shopping and retouching. Kids don’t know just how good they have it these days.