Photo: Bounce U

So you’ve purchased a bounce house.

Let me back up.

So. The world ended. Schools closed. You got your hours reduced and your spouse is laid off.

The kids are home through the summer.

Everyone’s home.

And what did you do?

You purchased a bounce house.

You know we’re poor now, right? Before the bounce house. You saw that thing about how you don’t go to work anymore?

The kids are bored, you said. They’re watching too much TV, you said. They’re driving you crazy, you said.

Do you think they won’t drive you crazy with a bounce house in the living room? You think they won’t try to find creative and destructive ways of entering and exiting the bounce house? You think they won’t try to crash their bodies into one another in midair? You think there won’t be bloodshed? You think they’re going to leave you alone for one second? You think this is going to make everything better?

You are incorrect, lady.

There will be bickering.

There will be bruises.

Oh. Also? You know how they hate the vacuum? They REALLY REALLY hate the sound of the vacuum. Guess what noise the bounce house makes? YOU GOT IT. And it makes that noise continuously. You think that ongoing noise won’t drive the children mad? Mad, I tell you!

Do you think they’re happy? Look at them they’re….Okay, they do look pretty happy. The little one’s little body flying through the air is pretty adorable. The way the bigger one’s hair flounces, yeah that’s cute. They’re giggling. They’re whooping. They’re exercising. They said thank you!

Worth every penny.