Hosting a toddlers birthday party should be a breeze right?

Cake, toys, music, beige party food and bubbles – done *drops mic, walks back to the land where awesome parents exist*

Now factor in one of the hottest days in the UK ever, being in the menopause (albeit drug induced), a conifer full of mosquitos and a Paw Patrol banner that just won’t fucking stay up. That’s called reality my friend, and although it was still a brilliant day, it wasn’t quite the easy-peasy time I predicted.

I like to think I’m no fool, so obviously all toddlers were supervised by their own parents which meant that one major job was sorted and any future litigation avoided in the event of an accident. This does mean that I had a lot of people to talk too aka acknowledge the arrival of. Thankfully the guests were either close friends or family so it was perfectly fine for me to barely speak to them. I’m pretty sure they appreciated my aloofness due to the uncontrollable perspiration issues I was experiencing. One party goer described me as ‘clammy’.

I strangely found myself obsessing over the little details, potentially as I wanted the ‘perfect party’ for Rupert, hence the high level of frustration when I spotted that Chase and Marshall had, yet again, folded into a heap on the floor. I actively tried to engage the children and parents in all the party games I had dotted round the garden (higher or lower cards/hook-a-duck/paddling pool), which also seemed to be a complete waste of energy because quite frankly, they didn’t need me to waft past pointing it out; they have eyes.

I catered for 5,000 people when we only needed enough for 30. Think that goes for any party though? Thankfully my friends and family can consume food like Competitive Eaters so my husband only had a few days of leftovers to finish.

Sun cream application was a regular party feature, as was brushing wet sand off my furniture when the little ones brought an outside ‘sand toy’ into the house. Note to self, no sandpits at the next party.

I kept checking in on the birthday boy who was in his element. Naked, playing in the water, with his new cars, and giggling with his friends. And that was all I needed to see (through my eyes that where stinging with sweat).

People have criticised my boys shyness before and it’s true, Rupert can be overwhelmed and shy in some circumstances. I’m pleased to say he was beaming with joy all afternoon, whether it was when he was playing alongside friends or when he was taking time out to play by himself. And it made me realise that his quieter ways are no flaw; his calm and gentle mannerisms made me beam with pride. Rupert, like all children, has his brilliant moments of going berserk and squealing the day away, but the party highlighted to me that he is truly a kind and sensitive little boy who loves to share his toys and play nicely with others. Fantastic qualities to possess in this frequently selfish and unfair world…

Let’s hope those characteristics stay for all his years to come… and that my sweat issue resolves itself quickly.