Unfortunately for parents, human beings aren’t born with social graces, and as a result our kids sometimes embarrass the heck out of us. The good news is, when it didn’t happen to you, it’s pretty darn funny! Parents on Reddit had us LOLing with their stories:
My daughter’s day care had circle time every morning as a way to start the day. Anyway we were late and walked into the middle of circle time. My daughter said “we’re late because my Mommy had diarrhea.”
“You’re a funny little man, but I like your hat,” My 4-year-old said that to a little person in the airport who was wearing a cowboy hat. I practically wanted to keep walking and leave him there, then I heard the man respond, “Thank you. And you’re a funny little man too!” He was great about it, and several of us ended up smiling instead of being mortified.
My daughter had a 6 month phase at around 2 where all men were “daddy” and all women were “mommy.” The women took it fine, but she caused the men some anxiety.
We were at the mall one day and the cashier was ambiguous looking. I myself wasn’t entirely sure of their gender until I saw her name tag. My son looks at her and says, “Penis or Vagina? Which one?” Surprisingly she didn’t seem offended and said, “I’m a girl,” to which my son responded, “Oh, vagina.”
Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy’s shoulder in the seat front of us and said, “This man is very fat.”
My daughter decided to strip completely naked, nappy and all in the shop when I had my back turned for about 5 seconds. I only became aware when a lovely lady tapped me on my shoulder and whispered into my ear “Excuse me love, your child is dancing naked beside the potatoes.” I did try to hide my laugh!
When my daughter was a year old and learning her body parts she would smack herself on the butt and say butt really loud when you asked her where it was. One day we were in the store and she took off running down the isle toward the checkout counter. She smacked a large woman who was standing at the counter on the ass and yelled butt really loud. The woman was mortified as was I, and she just looked at me and said “I just got spanked.”.\
In a booth at a restaurant with 3yo. Wife is in late-term pregnancy; we’ve told 3yo Mom is bulging because she has a baby in her belly. 3yo sees a rotund woman walk past our table and shouts “Look Mom, that lady has a baby in her butt!”
When my son was in kindergarten, I got a call from his teacher. He was usually a good kid, and his teacher was very chill, so I was surprised to hear from her. She told me that my son had gotten in trouble that day for telling some kid in line to “Get the f**k out of my way”. I was mortified, of course, but the worst was yet to come. She said, “I asked him where he heard that word and he said ‘Mommy says it all the time!'”
My 3 almost 4-year-old daughter started singing “Old McDonald Had a Farm” to the elderly gentleman standing in line in front of who was wearing denim overalls. He eventually turned toward her and she asked if he would be her dad. The color my face turned should have a crayon dedicated to it.
Background….our family is extremely sarcastic. Both of my girls are smart and witty. In Target with my youngest daughter (6) and wife. We were taking the shortcut through the women’s undergarment section.
Daughter: Hey Dad.
Me: What’s up?
Daughter: In the loudest voice possible “DAD, DON’T SMELL THE PANTIES!”
This got people’s attention really quick. Surprisingly, most people just cracked up laughing. My daughter thought it was hilarious.
My son (he’s two) and wife and I give each other raspberries on the tummy and back. Sometimes if my shirt comes up on my back or my wifes, my son will sneak behind us and give a raspberry (think mouth-fart). One day a stranger (stranger only to my son) was at our house, and her shirt was rising a little in the back. She was nice to him, so he thought he could play with her. He ran up behind her while she was sitting on the love seat, and gave her a raspberry on her love-handle.
I couldn’t even say a word…my face turned beet red, I could feel the blood in my face. I think she saw how embarrassed I was, and wanted to diffuse the situation quickly. She laughed, grabbed him, pulled his shirt up and blew on his belly.
Kid was 4. We were at the library—you know—that quiet place. Kid farts. Loud, tremendous, never-ending fart. We look at each other. Librarian appears, seemingly instantly. Says “we have a book for that.” Hands a book titled Walter the Farting Dog, and walks off.
“Grandma, I don’t like it when you have to leave. …because the couch smells funny after you get up.”
We were at the library when he was very little and still had that cute toddler speech impediment. It was a busy day, and there were lots of other people around. I’m looking at some books, and then he points to something and says to me in a voice much too loud for the library “Look, mommy, a cock.” I nearly died. I gathered myself together and said “Yes, sweetie, a clock.” I heard a few snickers from nearby people.
[My kid asked] my sister-in-law why she was fat, and when my sister-in-law said it was because she’d had children, my child asked if she ate them.
We’re waiting in the line at the US Embassy and I’m already nervous because of the security and all the guards. I’m there to renew her passport and after filling in all the forms and swearing that all the information is correct etc, she looks at the lady at the counter and goes “She’s not my real mom you know”. Bad timing little girl. Just to be clear I am her real mom and she thought April Fools was for the whole month of April.
Have one to share? Tell us in the comments below!
photo: Heather Williams via flickr