Denial. I’m so not going to be one of those moms that blows a small fortune on baby clothes. My daughter doesn’t need to be toddling around the nursery in a tulle ballgown with matching head piece. I’ll keep her wardrobe simple and functional, with unisex staples that will serve this baby and any future siblings. I’ll have everything organized by size and season so I never have to sift through mountains of clothing to find an outfit, and nothing will go unworn. I will absolutely not change her in and out of several ensembles over the course of a day just for the photo op. And I definitely won’t have so much clothing that I need to clear out a couple drawers from my own dresser to store it all. 

Anger. The last pair of pants I bought myself cost $30. How do these purple baby leg warmers cost twice that? There’s not even fabric to cover my forearm. The whole baby clothing industry is a racket and I am not going to be sucked in by it! But they are pretty cute though. 

Bargaining. Okay, if I point out the loose threads on the cuff of these little jeggings, maybe they’ll give me a discount. I’d be doing them a favor by taking these tiny pants off their hands. Damaged goods right? Plus, this store has emailed me 17 coupons just since this morning. And I’ll get some reward points for my next purchase. I’m practically making money off this deal. It would basically be a waste not to buy them. 

Depression. Oh my god. What just happened? Did I really just spend $146 on a tiny fur coat? It totally doesn’t even go with the jeggings. And ugh, I probably shouldn’t have gotten the newborn size on final sale. Maybe there’ll be a freak snow storm right around my due date…in June. It could happen, climate change, etc. And it was the only one in stock! Oh, who am I kidding… This is an epic fail. Did that sales girl hypnotize me? Never setting foot in that store again.

Acceptance. It’s whatever. It is what it is. You only get to shop for your first born child once, right? I’m going to have the best dressed baby on the block and I’m going to get so many Instagram likes. She’ll probably get discovered when the picture of her in baby Ray-bans and a miniature leather sheath dress goes semi-viral, and my cut of her baby modeling money (10% momager fee) will pay off these credit card bills.