Last year’s bathing suit, which I loved, is worn out and faded so I hit the mall searching for a new one.

People, it didn’t go well. I tried on a bunch of tankinis but the fitted tops made me look kind of muffin toppy and the tops that were flared will float up when I’m swimming and that’s uncomfortable. Plus, I’m looking for a bathing suit to actually swim in. I guess I should have mentioned that first. Last year we bought a house with a pool so I’m out almost every day with the kids, so I need a functional bathing suit.

If I were looking for a bathing suit to look good in, lounging poolside with a big hat and a drink in my hand, I could probably find something fairly quickly. Maybe a low cut tankini, that’s not too tight around the belly and a super cute skirt-type cover up.

But these things don’t work when you are actually playing and swimming with kids. I already mentioned the top floating up. And the low cut, that’s a no-no. I mean, you can’t lean over in those things. Well, I sure can’t. The girls are too big; it’s obscene.

Back to trying on suits: I just wasn’t finding anything comfortable that looked good.

My first thought was, “Dear Lord, what has gravity and having children done to my body?” But I stopped myself. Because I want to be one of those women who loves her body all the time and is so amazed that she carried babies (especially three babies at once) and is a good role model for her triplet daughters and teaches them to have a healthy body image.

So I stopped the negative thoughts and tried to come up with another logical reason why all the bathing suits are the worst.

And I figured it out! Maybe it’s just this store has crappy suits. That’s it. It’s not me. It’s this crappy store and their awful bathing suits.

So I left and when to another store. Okay, like three more stores. And you know what? I think they all must be affiliated somehow because they’re all crap. But again, it’s not me, right? Because I have a good body image and stuff, right?

Store number 5? Well, they actually had a suit that fit, was comfortable, and looked pretty good. Honestly, I didn’t love it, but it worked and I needed a suit.

“See,” I told myself, “it was just the stores. It has nothing to do with my body and I’m not fat and I look good in this bathing suit so there.”

After my body image affirming experience in Store #5’s dressing room, I headed over to the register with my purchase feeling pretty good about myself and that’s when I saw the brand name clearly displayed on the tag.

The suit, friends, was made by Swim Solutions.

Swim Solutions? Seriously? This is where I am in my life right now? I need a “solution” to my swimming “problem?”

It’s like my husband is going to holler, “Hey, the kids and I are going swimming; come join us!” And my response will now have to be, “Oh, that sounds terrible. What a predicament. Oh wait, I think I have a solution,” as I pull on my bathing suit.

I couldn’t do it. I just COULD NOT do it. I mean, if I loved the bathing suit, I would have kept it. Even if the brand was called, “Bathing Suits for Old Fat Ladies.” But I didn’t love it. So I put that bathing suit right back on the rack and walked out of Store #5 empty handed.

I am determined to find something I love. If I don’t, then that negative self talk will start creeping back up and before you know it, I’ll be sitting on the side of the pool in a turtleneck and sweatpants, drowning my sorrows in Pringles, telling my kids, “Mommy can’t swim because stretch marks and stuff.”

I will find a suit I like! And in the meantime, I’ll just pull on my old faded suit and cannonball into the pool!

What about you? Do you have a suit that you love?