Maybe it’s because they’re deliriously tired. Maybe they’re trying to prolong the inevitable. Maybe they’re auditioning for the local TV news reporter gig. Whatever it is, there’s no denying that kids ask the silliest things when it’s lights out. If your own little’s shenanigans aren’t proof enough, here are some of the real-life bedtime questions we’ve come across.

photo: Jessica Lucia via Flickr

1. “Why does it get dark … then light … then dark again?” 
Why kid? Are you writing a dissertation?

2. “Where do babies come from?” A stork. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

3. “How many LEGO bricks do I have?” Do I get a prize if I answer correctly?

4. “Can I have some soda?” Ummmmm … no!

5. “Do walls sleep?” Nope. But they do talk [Sinister laugh.].

6. “What does the tooth fairy do with my teeth?” [Slow blink]

7. “Can you tell me a story about dandelions?” But you don’t have any dandelion books … oh, wait—you want me to make it up. Seriously?

8. “Why do you snore?” Who me?

9. “How many minutes before it’s time for breakfast?” Minutes?! Ha! You must mean hours.

10. “Can I have a real princess at my birthday party? And, can I invite my entire class?” Sure, but you do realize that your birthday is 364 days away, right?

11. “Did you hear that lion growl in the attic?” You mean the heater vent turn on? Yeah, I heard that.

12. “How many stars are in the universe?” 100 billion. Thanks, Google.

13. “Can you watch me sleep?” I actually have to wash the dishes, make lunch for tomorrow, shower, do a load of laundry … who am I kidding? Yes! Yes, I can watch you sleep.

14. “Do you think you could get my stuffed animal(s) a little drink of water?” Sure, here’s some pretend water in my hands. Lap it up, Snuffles.

15. “What happens after you die?” [Blank stare]

16. “What kind of light bulbs are in my light?” Is this really pertinent information, since it’s actually about to be turned off?

17. “Have you seen my stuffed bunny?” You mean the one I donated months ago because it wasn’t being played with?

18. “Have you seen my action figure?” You mean the one I threw away months ago because the dog chewed its head off.

19. “Is my sister a girl?” Sister is to girl, as Ford is to car.

20. “Are gillymcbubble monsters real?” What. Are. You. Even. Talking. About?

21. “Can we sing Let it Go from Frozen in French now?” I mean … we already hummed it, sang it backward, sang it while doing contemporary dance moves, and sang it in an old lady voice, so what difference will one more time make?

22. “Can you carry me upstairs to my room like a baby?” But you’re six years old … and you’re the tallest in your class.

23. [Screaming from the bedroom … ] “CAN I GO POOP?” These are the kinds of questions that don’t need to be asked. Just get up and go.

24. “Can you tell me a joke?” Knock Knock. Who’s there? Go to. Go to who? Go to bed!

25. “Can I have another hug?” Yes. As many as you want.

What kind of questions do your kids ask at bedtime? Tell us in the comments section below. 

—Ayren Jackson-Cannady