To the Moms Whose Kids Don’t Ever Sit Still

To all the moms whose kids don’t ever sit still, I know your day is long.

I understand that these are the longest days you have ever known in your life, and you are hanging on by your teeth. Dad’s, you’re in it too, I know. There seems no reprieve from the endless drawl of open time, and the little ones don’t play by themselves for very long. At least the ones who don’t ever sit still. And if they are sitting still panic shoots through your chest in the realization that trouble is afoot. They have found the flour in the pantry and have decorated the living room quietly. They have unearthed your poor potted plant from its cage and released it into the wild nature of the bathroom. Granted, the bathroom does have wall hangings of flowers and leaves stenciled in patches, and the toilet wand is in the shape of a small tree, a gag gift given by a friend at some point that seemed a shame to waste. The kids can be smart, you can’t blame your budding conservationist for seeing the connection there, and wanting your sweet house plant to be in its rightful place.  

Let’s be honest. The bubbles poured all over the air hockey table in the basement was pure genius. You only wished you had been in the room when your little Einstein turned it on to see if the air would make the bubbles blow. It did, making one tiny three-year-old face light up with great joy. It almost didn’t matter that the wood surface of the hockey game was already swollen and ruined by the time your oldest child reported the misdeed. These are the confusing things with our children who don’t ever sit still. They destroy every ounce of peace, and most of our furniture, but they curate such love and admiration at the same time, you almost break in half every single day trying to parent them. They are amazing and infuriating, and they don’t ever sit still.

I know absurd things are coming out of your mouth these days, things that make you stop and ask yourself if you really just said that? Did you really spend ten minutes convincing your toddler that they can’t wear the same jammies four days in a row and then sleep in them again? I mean, three days is the limit. Or challenge your preschooler during “gymnastics” time to a pushup competition and then cheer when you won, and they lost? Because just dipping your tummy doesn’t count, you have to bend your arms! And should you be worried? No, probably not. Quarantine is an alternate universe that knows no time or space or specific dictations on how to set appropriate rules or boundaries with children who don’t ever sit still.

When your kid is jumping from the couch to the coffee table and back, cheer them on. When they run circles around the room, throw on a backpack with a few books in it, so they get some heavy sensory work out of it. When they are carving your kitchen table with a fork because you forced them to sit for lunch instead of gnawing on a cheese stick as they wander around bugging the other children, calmly hand them one of the dozens of amazon boxes stacking up in your recycling to destroy. Someday you will look back fondly at that table and think, I remember that day of quarantine 2020. That was hell. Then vow to carve up the table when all this craziness is over and keep that one piece of wood that has your kids’ artwork, albeit angry and maniacal slash line art, but still, your little one made it. Put it in their baby box for future fun. Or is this one of those things we say in quarantine that makes you wonder, is this okay? Should I be worried? Nah, it’s just a table, right?

It may not help you right now, but it’s worth it to say that children who don’t ever sit still are the ones who will dig in and work the hardest on their passions. They are the ones who will put endless hours into their families when they grow up. They are the ones who will run the longest in a race and cheer everyone on and hold everyone up because they have the energy to do it. They are the ones who will take every ounce of your energy to parent them, and drain you and climb on you, need more from you than you think you can give, and then refuse to go to bed at night.

They will wake up early as hell and make you dream of swimming in coffee, infusing it directly into your pores because you are so damn tired, and there is nowhere else for them to go. Nowhere else for you to go. Know that you are not parenting in vain. The key is to sink in when you want to run. Let go when you want to force your way. Hug tight when you want to scream. And when you think you can’t give another inch, remember you always have the bathroom with the houseplant in it because no one ever really cleaned that up yet.

Have a seat and take a breath, read one page of a magazine, bring some chocolate that you stole out of your wildest kids candy stash, and tell yourself you are a great mom. You are a great dad. As long as your kids know they are loved, they will be just fine. Your house may need a few touch-ups at the end of all of this, but paint is a magical thing. In the meantime, Godspeed. Keep going, and remember this one truth: there is always time for a dance party in quarantine. Alexa, play some gangster rap, please.