Being a mom is the most precious gift of god. It is a feeling that is unimaginably precious. And enjoying this motherhood journey brings true joy and satisfaction in our life. But as a human tendency, we never skip a chance to make a simpler thing to complicate. And tag moms as a “stay at home mom” or “working mom” is a common debate that often give a bitter taste in our mouth. It creates an unpleasant scenario that starts an unnecessary debate to the beautiful journey of motherhood.
As the ongoing fight between a stay at home and a working mom is a common occurrence in our society. And all women (both stay at home mom and working mom) had faced an issue of being judged by one another, time to time.
Personally, I believed it is totally an individual choice, her opinion and a mutual arrangement of any one’s family to be a stay at home mom or working mom. There is no need to interfere someone else to being judgemental about this personal choice. And everyone has a complete right to make her choice with great pride, but unfortunately, it did not happen all time.
I had a personal experience regarding this issue, which I would love to share with you all.
It was 2 years ago, when I met with women through a common friend. She was a working mom (full time, work in an IT sector) and we became good friends after few meetup. Since the beginning, she was surprised with my decision as being a stay at home mom in spite being a gold medallist in homeopathy. She has asked me few times about it, but I had not paid any serious attention to her thoughts for avoiding any harsh arguments.
Most of the time, she used to visit my home after returning from her job. She has only one son, and she sent him to daycare since he was 3 months old. She always had great pride about her decision with a repeated thought that “I love my job, I can not waste my whole day by doing the same things repeatedly”, and still I used to ignore her over pride statements by keeping a thought that it is her life and she has a right to live it my choice.
One day when she came routinely to my home after her office with a typically exhausted look, she has crossed all the boundaries. As it was the time of summer vacation and we (I and my both daughters) were busy in crafting. We love crafting as a family and whenever my dolls get bored I used to do some creative crafting projects, to keep them entertain and to raise their creative quotients. And as usual, on that day, we had made some cute cardboard crafts. As soon as she has entered my house, my dolls had shown their crafts with great enthusiasm. Both were looking towards her for getting a bit of appreciation from her. She has passed a cunning smile…and then move towards me with nasty remark “Oh! You had wasted this day by doing this foolish thing”. And again I had avoided her disgusting remark to make it more complicated.
Next day, I was busy in preparation of dinner. And I was cutting vegetables and other things related to cooking. And then she came and told me, “Oh! Again the same thing…you did not get bored doing same things, I hate to do all this. My husband handles all these cooking responsibilities”. You are a highly qualified person, why are you wasting your life? And this time, my anger was on top of the world. I was terribly irritated by her being judgemental, negative remarks. I had explained her few things with due respect. And very soon, I had ended my friendship with her because of her mentality.
I would love to share my answers with all that I had given to this working mom who called me “Spoiled” for being a stay at home mom. I am not saying that all working mothers are like her. But if any of you had thoughts like her, please listen.
- We are not lazy, indolent persons, who do not want work nor had an aversion to work outside. It is just about an individual choice. Personally, I believed, managing home and raising kids is not a mechanical thing, it is equally important to earn money.
- We are not a person who does not have any opinion, thoughts or individuality. We also had the same qualities, qualifications and capabilities. And we want to use them to take care of our home and nurturing our kids.
- We are not a person who do the same thing repeatedly (cooking), we believed it is equally important to serve a healthy, good quality food to our family to keep them healthy. If you did not think like that, it is all right. But do not judge us for our choices.
- We are not a person who is totally dependent on our husband and not supporting them in any way. If you supporting them by financially then we are supporting them by handling all household responsibilities so well.
- We are not person, who believed that raising kids can be easiest thing by putting them in daycare (not for all working women. I know most of them are so good in all) but for us spending time with kids, cherish the tiny moment of their childhood is equally rewarded as getting a salary or promotion at the end of the month.
- We are not a person who is not qualitative; we can do excel in every field if we open our wings.
- Last but not the least,
“We all are women, we all are moms, we all love our family, and we all are supporting our families by doing our best efforts. It is just a matter of choice, choosing a different path to support our families, and nurturing our kids in different parenting style.”
So please stop judging, respect womanhood, motherhood. Live your life and let live others them their life.