What does a mom want for Christmas?

That’s easy. Every mom’s automatic response is something along the lines of Oh, I don’t need anything. I just want my family to be healthy and happy!

Although that’s very true, we’re kinda lying through our teeth. That may be all we need to satisfy the basics. But let’s be real –  if we were to reveal our deepest desires, these would make the list:

1. To sleep in. Although waking up at 5 a.m. with excited little loudlings jumping on my unprepared gut is thrilling, I really would like another hour of sweet oblivion before I need to think about cleaning up all the gift wrapping off the floor.

2. Energy. Can anybody get me some kind of magic boost to negate the effects of sleep deprivation, hormones, and unending laundry? No? Okay. A pot of coffee will do then.

3. For the Scotch tape to stop disappearing out of its designated drawer and all the magnets to stay on the dang refrigerator for an entire day.

4. For all the toys to put themselves away. And stay there for more than five minutes, please.

5. A delicious warm meal. Not prepared (or cleaned up) by me.

6. Dishes done. I don’t care if it’s a kid, a husband, an elf, or a reindeer who does it. If the sink is empty and everything clean, dry, preferably unbroken and in the cabinets, that will add JOY to the WORLD!

7. A nap. A REAL one. Not half-dozing while holding a baby and trying to tune out the older kids attacking each other.

8. A massage. Oh yes. Preferably immediately preceding #7. All out with soothing oil, aromatherapy, darkness, and silence. Lots of silence.

9. To know where the heck all the missing socks went. I need closure!

10. Alone time. If you’re an introvert, you understand how hard it is to recharge when you are NEVER ALONE. C’mon, guys, can’t I at least pee in peace today without someone pounding on the door? Or give me 10 uninterrupted minutes with my cup of coffee. Or an hour for a nap. Any of these would be insanely refreshing!

11. Peace on earth. Or at least in this house. Distinct lack of yelling, no fighting over who got better presents, no need to threaten to take them all away if no one starts showing some effing gratefulness, and no godawful whining!

12. No pee on the floor. Whether from the dog, the potty-training toddler, or any male’s bad aim, I don’t know, but y’all need to start controlling your bodily fluids!

13. Chocolate. If you want to actually buy me something, this is a great option. Minus the little moochers asking for a bite. Add some wine too while you’re at it. And if you could include some kind of magic to keep all the calories off my thighs, that would be super!

14. Hugs and kisses. Yes, I do mean from the fam, not Hershey’s (although I’ll take that too). I do cherish these wonderful moments with my minions. But if they could be germ-free and not inject a virus directly onto my face, that would be fan-freakin-tastic. WHY is someone ALWAYS sick?!

And no, I wouldn’t actually expect all this, but one or two of the humanly possible ones would be awesome. Just putting it out there as a handy cheat sheet for anyone with a mom in their life.