Can We All Just Agree That It’s Fine for Kids to Say ‘Crap’?

My son was 10 when we relocated to a new city and state. And with that move came some new vocabulary as well.

Right away, child-of-mine picked up on the fact that his new classmates were saying, with some frequency, the word “crap,” a syllable I’d strictly forbidden from crossing his sassy little lips. And when he first heard a teacher shamelessly utter the expression, right there in front of her students, he decided we needed to have a little chit-chat on the subject.

Using his powers of persuasion and logic—which are both impressive and infuriating—he convinced me to let him try out this previously banned four-letter word. But I wasn’t thrilled about it—and he knew it.

And so it went. Naturally, he had a very hard time suppressing his newfound fascination with the pseudo-swear. “Crappity-crap-crap-crap!” Suddenly, I was cohabitating with a pint-sized, PG-rated sailor.

“That’s crap!”
“What the crap?”
“Holy crap!”

So we had to set some ground rules. Those three expressions above, yeah, they were nixed immediately. When I proposed he could try “what the heck” instead of “what the crap” or “holy moly” instead of “holy crap,” he guffawed at my old-lady ways, and I glimpsed the teenager he would most likely become. Whether I was uncool or not, he had no choice but to relent to the Mommy-in-Charge.

And so, thank goodness, he began to dial it back. “That’s crap!” transformed into “That’s junk!” (Sigh. Is that really any better?) And we came upon a consensus: No “crapping” in public or in front of family. And no excessive “crappity-crap-crapping” just because you have working vocal cords.

He knew this was a test of his maturity—possibly even a gateway to other privileges—and fortunately, treated it as such. In fact, he’s managed to find a palatable balance among all this crap, and he now only sparingly uses the once-controversial expression.

However, there was one unforeseen hiccup I should have seen coming a mile away. But nope. Oh no. I walked right into it. Just days after this new idiomatic freedom was bestowed upon my child, we had friends over for dinner. Gleefully, he announced to everyone in attendance: “My mom lets me say the C-word now!”

This post originally appeared on Samiches & Psych Meds.