Mere days ago, celebrity couple, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen announced the miscarriage of their son, Jack. Their openness about their loss has invited others to begin a conversation about this all too common matter more publicly. One in five early pregnancies ends in miscarriage and approximately 15% of American women age 18-44 go through a period of infertility during which they may have one or more miscarriages. Additionally, October is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.
What to say (and do) to/for someone after experiencing a miscarriage:
• I am so sorry
• I love you (or I care for you)
• I am not sure what to say, but I am here for you
• I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I am here to listen
• I am praying for you (or what specifically can I pray for you?)
• I am sending you a huge hug
• Can I bring you dinner tonight?
• Send them flowers, mail them a card, or send them a “thinking of you today” text
• It is so good to see you. How are you?
•When and if you are ready to talk, I would love to bring you coffee or a bottle of wine
• Send them a free, hand-knitted pocket prayer square/remembrance gift from Baby Blessings Ministry (complimentary; go to www.yourangelwings.net for more information)
What NOT to say:
• Everything happens for a reason
• At least you already have a child (Or be grateful for what you have)
• Just relax and quit worrying
• You can always try again
• You must be so upset
• It wasn’t meant to be (or it’s not the right time)
• At least you weren’t further along
• I don’t know how much more of this roller coaster I can take
• Have you been tested for…a, b, c?
• Maybe you should consider adoption
• God doesn’t give us more than we can handle
After a few months have passed, you could consider saying these things to your loved one or friend who experienced a miscarriage:
- Have HOPE
- Don’t give up
- I am praying for you