Dear mama friends,

The world can just be a mean place. Really.

On the daily, my sisters and I text each other. Often our conversations consist of how we are exhausted, tired, stressed, financially strapped, feel out of place, hiding in the closet eating chocolate so our kids will take naps and how much we love the role we have as moms. It’s hard and we all recognize it – for each other and with each other. I am beyond thankful for that support that I have to rely on.

But every now and then, the wisest of us will send me a link or text to a public display of mom shaming. C does this to remind me that this kind of judgement is out there and it sucks. She does this to help me avoid that sinking ship of mom shaming and remind me the importance of being a kind person. She recently sent me a text that showed and old article about Pink, the singer, drinking a decaf coffee and mom shamers went to town online, losing their minds over her drinking this while sitting on the floor during her second pregnancy. DECAF COFFEE, people. There were terms used in the critiques of comments that decaf coffee was an “addictive stimulant and many moms should {basically avoid this at all costs} for the sake of their unborn babies”. Then they commented that her microwave was too low AND maybe there was something else in her coffee cup instead of coffee. Wow.

(ok Lou, take a breather).

Then yesterday I get a link online about Hillary Duff getting blasted on Instagram for kissing her 4 year old son on the lips. Mom shamers immediately got online and lost their marbles about this being inappropriate. A Kiss. For her son = inappropriate.

So here’s the real lowdown for the mom shamers out there from us moms who need and crave some support. Stop. If you feel the urge to critique how other moms breathe, or live, or cook, or what they eat or even how low their microwave is in their kitchen – STOP. Parenting is hard enough as it is and young moms these days feel more pressure than ever. Pressure we put mostly on ourselves to be perfect so that we can avoid people like these mom shamers who judge and critique our every move and then blast it back in our faces to make us feel insanely terrible as mothers. Lets all admit that we aren’t all perfect. Lets all admit that we may give our kids a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. We can all admit that occasionally we don’t feed our family “the non-GMO whole wheat organic brand dinner product that promotes only green lifest‌yles for progressive human rights” and THATS OK. It’s ok folks!

It’s ok that moms have an off day once in a while and we drink decaf or regular coffee – even when we are pregnant! It’s ok to display affection and kiss your 4 year old on the lips. Who cares! What is not ok is abolishing a person to a sad and dark place when you choose harsh and critical words that make them – in particular young moms who are learning how to navigate these parenting waters- feel less than their best. That’s just not ok anymore.

What happened to the support for all young moms? What happened to lifting each other up and giving that sweet mom a pat on the back when her 2 year old is throwing the worst tantrum in the grocery store and you witness someone breaking down in frustration, exhaustion and an overwhelming sense of embarrassment because she feels ALONE in that moment. What happened to that?

If you immediately want to jump online and go off on someone because they are drinking decaf coffee when pregnant – you ARE a mom shamer. When you feel the need to be silent while watching in “horror because your child would never act that way” then you may very well be a mom shamer. When you judge and immediately feel that you are better than other moms because of your parenting practice or st‌yle, you probably are a mom shamer. And you’re riding a sinking ship.

The thing is, mom shamers – we aren’t going down with you on that sinking vessel because I still believe there are people in the world that are kind and nice. I believe in the deepest traits of motherhood being sensitivity and compassion and feel that inside all of us lies a nice girl. I believe that this time, the nice girls won’t finish last and we will lift each other up while you sink away on your mean ship. And when you do, it will be embarrassing and sad and most likely you’ll need someone to help you back up. Who do you think that will be?

Hug your mama friends today and remind them they are doing a good job. I can guarantee you that in the back of their minds they worry they aren’t and reminding them they are will swing the balance in this game of parenting.

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