“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” –Henry Ward Beecher

You know you’re a Mom if:

  1. Your attempt to teach your children fiscal responsibility and resourcefulness involves you drawing toe puppets on their feet instead of buying them actual finger puppets.
  2. You are capable of using the potty while still wearing your baby inside of your Baby Bjorn.
  3. You say the word “potty” when referencing the toilet—even when amongst adults.
  4. You have come to realize that you will NEVER drink a full cup of hot coffee ever again (unless your children are at grandma’s house).
  5. You haven’t showered… in a day, or in peace, or by yourself, or without a single interruption… or without thoughts of your children or your to-do-list running through your mind since the day they were born.
  6. You forget what your real name is because all you ever hear is “Mom,” Mommy,’ “Momma” or “Moooooooooommmmmm!!”
  7. You turn so rapidly that you almost get whiplash each and every time you hear a cry for “Mom,”  even when it’s not your child.
  8. Your clothes are covered in snot from being used as a boogey wipe—and you are completely fine with it.
  9. You crave some personal time, but feel guilty whenever you take it.
  10. Doing the dishes alone—or even shaving one leg—feels like personal time.
  11. You prepare for every outing by making your diaper bag into a Mary Poppins bag by having every single item that you could possibly need for every possible scenario that could possibly occur with three children ages six and under. (That’s tiring just talking about it!)
  12. You take your diaper bag with you on date night because you don’t own a “real” purse anymore.
  13. Your ideal date night involves your pajamas, the couch, a gluttonous amount of food and enough alcohol to make you forget that you are a responsible parent.
  14. Your “word of the day”—everyday—is “No.”
  15. 99 percent of your children’s words is a whined and elongated “Nooooooo.”
  16. You can do each and every skill you have with your non-dominant hand because you darn well have to when the baby won’t let you put her down.
  17. You can slam the pantry door with your hip, close the oven with a swift kick of the foot and pick up dropped socks with your toes. (I hope that last one isn’t just me!)
  18. You use baby wipes to clean up absolutely everything… and I mean EVERYTHING. (This Momma ain’t never met a baby wipe she didn’t like.)
  19. You have a constant feeling that you are screwing up at motherhood.
  20. You are actually screwing up motherhood on occasion. (Don’t worry; they’ll turn out just fine.)
  21. The messy top-knot is your hairst‌yle of choice every single day.
  22. You wear the top-knot because you often forget about your own self-care and that thing called “hair-washing.”
  23. Poop and vomit don’t gross you out.
  24. You don’t think it’s awkward to smell your children—for poop or vomit—all of the time, in any place.
  25. Two hours of undisturbed sleep makes you feel like a new, well-rested woman.
  26. You sway while waiting in any line, even when you are not pregnant or holding a child.
  27. Your shopping cart on any given Thursday contains wine—at least two bottles.
  28. You forget to turn off your kid’s music when they leave the car and you continue to jam out until you awkwardly realize that you no longer have to listen to it.
  29. Going to “Club Bed” with “DJ Nighty-Nighty” is your idea of a good time on a weekend night.

Have some hilarious ones of your own? Please share them, and let us all share a laugh along with you—sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through the day!

Featured Photo Courtesy: pexels; jthreeNMe