Before the advent of the Interwebz, parents had to direct all of our embarrassing questions to, like, actual IRL people. But thanks to search engines like Google as well as an ever-growing array of parenting sites and forums, we now can tap into the world wide web hivemind to ask even the most awkward questions about the trials and tribulations of being a mom or a dad. We scoured the web for some of the most embarrassing Google searches by parents and shared our favorites below. You’re welcome.

“Can I still have sex with my pregnant wife?”

According to medical professionals, most women who are experiencing normal pregnancies without any complications may continue to have penetrative sex up until their water breaks. The caveat, of course, is always to consult your medical doctor first. While myths about a man’s penis harming an unborn child may persist, the truth is that baby is protected by the amniotic sac and the strong muscles of the uterus, not to mention the thick mucus plug that seals the cervix. For those who still remain doubtful, Baby Center has a useful (and safe for work) video showing seven positions to try during pregnancy sex.

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“Will I poop on the delivery table when I give birth?”

In the annals of life’s greatest embarrassments, the fear of pooping during delivery ranks high on many women’s list. While it may be verboten in mixed company to talk about evacuating one’s bowels during the beautiful miracle of birth, the reality is that pooping (and peeing) during delivery is common and totally normal. The muscles that control bowel movements are the same ones that are engaged when a mother is pushing during delivery, “the perfect recipe for pooping during labor,” according to Marie Bigelow, a staff doula at Boise Women's Health & Birth Center in Idaho. Bottom line: worry less about what’s happening with your bottom and focus on the arrival of your lovely new baby.

“Can a woman’s vagina really accommodate a baby coming out?”

The short answer is: Yes, of course. Women’s bodies are perfectly designed to have a baby pass through the birth canal and out of the vaginal opening. The relative ease of birth and amount of vaginal elasticity that occurs during labor is dependent on variables that include genetics, size of a baby, and the number of previous births (if any), among other factors. Mothers’ bodies undergo a variety of changes during and after birth, and it’s not uncommon for mothers and fathers to wonder what will happen to a woman’s postpartum vagina. Like, will it ever be the same? Fortunately, many answers to this embarrassing question can be found online. And again, the best advice should come from your medical doctor.

“Is it OK for my partner to taste my breast milk?”

What does breast milk taste like? According to those in the know, breast milk smells and tastes like cow’s milk, but milder and sweeter. For some partners of breastfeeding moms, curiosity may lead to wanting to give it a try. In fact, there’s a small niche community of fathers who desire breast milk, but for most new parents, the idea of consuming mother’s milk themselves isn’t exactly appetizing. As to whether or not it’s OK for adults to consume breast milk, if it's good for a baby, it wouldn’t be bad for anyone who has already been weaned.

“Is my husband jealous of our baby?”

Studies have shown that two-thirds of new parents are less satisfied with their marriages after the birth of a child. For some dads and partners, the arrival of a baby can lead to feelings of threat and jealousy as mom focuses all of her attention on a newborn. Feeling left out or neglected can spiral into bigger problems if left unchecked, but professionals agree that bonding between mother and baby is equally important as bonding between partners who are new parents.

“At what age will my baby sleep through the night?”

This is, perhaps, the most frequently searched for question by exhausted parents around the world, especially during the first few days and months of baby’s life. Fortunately, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

“How much poop is too much poop a day for a two-year-old?”

The early days of parenthood can feel like an endless merry-go-round of feedings, naps, and lots and lots of diaper changes. As baby grows into toddlerhood, parents often wonder how much poop is too much (or too little). Some toddlers poop on the daily, while others poop every third day or every third hour. When it comes to toddlers and poop, the rule of thumb is consistency counts more than frequency.

“Can a toddler survive on only apple juice and Goldfish crackers?”

There are two types of toddlers: The born epicurean who’ll eat just about anything and the finicky eater who seems to subsist on a combination of air and water. Parents of the former will often humblebrag about their good fortune, while parents of the latter will often turn to Google to find out if their kiddos will survive. As long as they are eating a well-balanced diet, the kid will live. Blogger and mom DaNelle Wolford has some good advice on how she turned her picky eater into a food feaster.

“How do I get poop out of my baby’s vagina?”

Before I had a daughter, the last phrase I thought I’d ever say aloud to my precious baby girl was, “I need to get the poop out of your vagina.” For lots of dads (and moms), encountering a baby girl’s first Explosive Poopy Diaper and the resulting back-to-front mess can be a harrowing experience. Thankfully, there are loads of useful tips and tricks available online.

“Will my wife/husband and I ever have sex again after we’ve had a baby?”

Were just asking for a friend.

What embarrassing questions about parenting have you Googled? Tell us in the comments below!

—Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

 

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Feature photo courtesy Pixabay