Valentine’s Day. It’s that holiday when your partner totally spoils you. Or, it’s that time of year when your S.O. royally misses the mark. Seriously. In honor of those years, we searched for the most outrageously awful Valentine’s Day gifts. From dental hygiene to hair in a frame, keep reading for 26 of the worst gifts ever given (a few were submitted by readers!).
photo: Jessica Wilson via Flickr
1. A confirmation of delivery, but no flowers.
“Once I ordered my girlfriend flowers that didn’t arrive (or were stolen from the porch), so I gave her the delivery confirmation. It was not as funny as I thought it would be.” (via Reddit user wacht).
2. A toilet seat (we swear).
“My dad gave my stepmom a toilet seat once for Valentine’s Day. He genuinely thought he had the best gift ever. This happened over five years ago and we still laugh at him about it.” But that’s not all, “It was the most generic toilet seat ever. Not even one of the ones that go down slowly.” (via Reddit user makingmc)
photo: Emergency Brake via Flickr
3. Jumper cables.
“When I was a kid, my dad gave my mom a set of jumper cables for Valentine’s Day.” As it turns out the story has a happy ending. “He was in the doghouse for a couple nights, but about a week later her battery dies and dad was a hero again.” (via Reddit user Soon2Barmn)
4. An oversized tank top.
You know, the ones once known by the horribly offensive moniker “wife beater?”\ “It was meant to be used as a dress, I kid you not!” (via reader Silvia Rodríguez)
photo: Cal Evans via Flickr
5. Inappropriate candy messages.
We’re betting the recipient of one of these lollipops would have something interesting to say in response.
“My husband (then boyfriend) once gave me a picture frame filled with his hair… he thought it would be romantic, but I didn’t agree!” (via reader Annie W.)
7. Dental hygiene products.
A tongue scraper as a Valentine’s Day gift? There are endless things to do together that don’t involve removing “tongue fur.” Eww.
8. The gift representing exactly the opposite of who you are.
“My boyfriend at the time took me to dinner, and then surprised me with a horse-drawn carriage ride. Total fail because 1. it was cold and I’m Southern (I don’t do sub-50 degree weather well), and 2. I hate the horse-drawn carriage industry. We didn’t make it past March.” (via Shelley M.)
photo: slothzero via Reddit
9. It’s your funeral (literally).
This ad takes the “til death do we part” idea a step beyond what the vow intends. We’re pretty sure that’s the least romantic gift ever. (via Reddit user slothzero)
10. A heart made out of meat (that you can eat).
You’re all for getting a gift that’s from the heart. But what about meat? Yep, that’s right. Meat. Apparently, you can buy your sweetheart a raw steak shaped like a heart. Yum.
11. Any type of cleaning tool, supply or appliance.
A weed whacker! (via reader Krista F.)
12. Bad news.
“A text breaking up with me.” (via Reddit user hippopots)
13. Romantic balls.
We’re betting these aren’t the kind of balls someone wants to receive for Valentine’s Day.
14. A hair trimmer and photocopied card.
“My dad got my mum a hair trimmer set and photocopied her card she got him one year. They celebrate their 25th anniversary this year so maybe it’s a good one.” (via Reddit user UnofficialKing)
photo: dippydoodahGC via Etsy
15. Cards referencing bodily functions.
Yeah, maybe you’re cool with it. But you don’t need to be reminded. Or do you? There’s more where this one came from.
16. Someone else’s scent
“I’m pretty sure it has to be the bottle of really old perfume I’m pretty sure was his mom’s.” (via reader Denise R.).
photo: Reddit user SSJWiggy
17. E-Z Divorce
“Not quite the gift I had in mind for my first Valentine’s Day.” (via Reddit user SSJWiggy)
18. Weird Food
“A box of Kashi cereal.” (via reader Carlly L.), “A can of sardines.” (via reader Cora E.), “Deviled eggs. Yes, I said, deviled eggs.” (via reader Andrea P.)
photo: Marco Verch via Flickr
19. A jewelry box … but
“A fancy jewelry box … and the comment ‘don’t get excited … it’s not a ring or anything.'” (via reader Amy L.)
20. The most boring gifts ever.
“My husband gave me a beanie. And a plain black coffee mug.” (via Amber G.)
photo: Lottie via Flickr
21. A framed photo of … your pet. Presented by … your pet.
You might want to check your partner’s priorities in the L.O.V.E department.
22. Mermaids and diapers are related how?
“A little mermaid doll and adult diapers. I was pregnant, I guess my husband thought it would be funny.” (via reader Michelle C.)
photo: prettywarstl via Flickr
23. A garbage can (no, seriously).
“The ever so romantic metal trashcans with the step-on open feature! In his defense—he had the flu when he went out shopping. I’m sure they felt like a good idea in his fever-addled brain!” (via reader Carol S.)
24. Stuffed forest animals.
“A boyfriend once gave me a plush raccoon for Valentine’s Day. I don’t have a thing for raccoons—he thought it was cute, I guess. Nothing says ‘I Love You’ like rabid varmit! (via reader Amanda J.)
photo: Michael Coghlan via Flickr
25. An empty box of chocolates.
“He told me that he bought it, and there was coconut in all of them (there never is), and that he had to eat them to keep me from having an allergic reaction (I’m allergic to coconut). So really, he said, ‘for Valentine’s Day I saved your life.’ It didn’t last long after that.” (via reader Lindsey R.)
26. Nothing at all.
“The first Valentine’s Day after we were engaged, I said to my now-husband, ‘so we aren’t doing gifts for Valentine’s Day, right?’ He said, ‘well, maybe just something small.’ I followed this rule and got him an engraved money clip. Turns out, his “small” really meant “nothing.” Which I would have been fine with but HE SET THE RULES!” (via Kate L.)
What’s the worst Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? Share your story in the comments below.